somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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