Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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