i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
