i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
His hands were made for my vagina.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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