i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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