Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
