It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
