remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
