Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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