one word: firstdatebathroomanal
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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