I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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