Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
