i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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