Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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