Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
