so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
