Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
