Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
