the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
love makes seman taste better
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
