It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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