When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
