Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
