Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize