I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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