He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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