no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
