I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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