It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
