He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
