and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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