every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
