i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
