i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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