Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
