If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
