Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
