she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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