...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
