Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think people are normalizing furries
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
