I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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