WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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