M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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