We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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