We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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