god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
