don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
