my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
