Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
