I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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