Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
