i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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