she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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