there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
