i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
