Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
