like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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