the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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