sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
