party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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