Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
