So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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