I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
