Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
