I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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