I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
