take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
