why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
