Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
