Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
