I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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