somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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