Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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