I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize