He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
