i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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