I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
that's an acceptable place to lick
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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