woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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