whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
