I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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