I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So much rum. So many feels.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
