You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize