tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
