OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
