Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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