I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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