mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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