Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I didn't notice because vodka
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
