im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize